How to survive a zombie apocalypse for dummies…
Ok, so, its the zombie apocalypse, the undead have risin and you and your poor huddled family are trying to figure out what to do in order to survive. Well, here is professional advice from someone who has lived through a zombie apocalypse and came out on the other side (slightly insane) but uninfected! My name is Brit Sellers, self proclaimed Queen of the undead, and creator of Blood Brothers Life Harvest, a zombie apocalypse film and novel about two young brothers trying to keep themselves and everyone they love alive during a zombie plague outbreak. Who better to instruct you than me? (Unless you happen to have Brad Pitt on your team that is…)
Ok, step one; The Zombies
What kind of zombies you are facing is a very important thing to note when dealing with the undead and the resulting chaos they cause. Are you dealing with fast zombies or slow zombies? Are they infecting people via bite? Is the disease air borne? How intelligent are the zombies on a scale of one to ten- One being slow moving dumbasses who travel in scattered hordes with no higher cerebral function besides nom nomming your brain (like in Night of the Living Dead), and ten being intelligent mutants that roam in family groups and set traps for their unfortunate victims (Like I am Legend’s vampire/mutant/zombies).
If you happen to be up against slow zombies that only infect people via bite, then congratulations! You might actually have a shot at making it through this mess! With slow moving zombies, as long as you don’t break your leg or let yourself get cornered, you should be alright. Just stay alert, stay active, and stay alive!
If you are up against fast moving zombies that only infect via bite, then… Oof… You got it rough pal. Fast moving zombies are a hell of a lot worse to deal with then slow moving zombies for one obvious reason; they are fast.
But… Can they swim?
Probably not, lets be real here. So, if you are up against fast moving zombies, for God’s sake get yourself to a boat and get the hell out of there! Find a deserted island and set up shop, or just hop from port to port, only stocking up when absolutely necessary and keeping a wary eye out for the undead when on land. You can find food via fishing, and storing up on supplies that are non parishable, all while waiting out the plague and staying relatively safe and isolated on large bodies of water.
If they are fast moving zombies and you don’t have access to a boat, then tough luck pal. You might be in for a rough night. Find someplace defensible, and store up supplies, hopefully you can wait it out until things quiet down and you can get out of the city. Stay on your toes and don’t try to travel on foot, you will never make it…
Ok, so two basic zombie types have been covered, but now we get to level three, the absolute worst kind; Zombies that are fast, have some measure of intelligence, and infect via airborne transmission as well as bites.
Damn. You are screwed.
Unless you happen to be a half crazed scientific genius who is an bad ass, buffed, and unfairly handsome (Will Smith I am looking at you!) or you are a tough as nails little bad ass who happens to be immune (Ellie, you boss babe keep kicking it!) then you are probably not going to survive the night. My advice to you is; Get your hands on a gas mask, get the hell out of the city, and move out west where you can start a small farming community, or move to the mountains where you can live like a hermit…
Thats it. Thats all I got for ya. Good luck!
Step Two: Basic Survival
In any case, your strategy of survival will vary as the situation requires especially depending on what sort of zombie you face, however some things will remain the same no matter what; Human needs must be met, these include, shelter, food, safety- sex if you have the time, and a way to fight off the infected.
A good survival manual will help you in situations of mass hysteria, but a few basic tips can help too, these include:
Setting up a base of opporations; somewhere safe where you can rest and recoup after scouting or battles with the undead. Some places I would recommend include old hospitals, bank vaults, restaurants with walk in freezers, prisons, tree houses, and if you are very lucky, deserted islands in the bahamas.
Start looting! Virtually anything and everything you can find from string to canned food is valuable in the apocalypse, start hoarding!
Don’t drink bad water… You don’t want to die of bacterial infection now do you? Boil your water first or you will regret it!
Find a weapon: For those of you who play video games or read horror novels, you probably already know that finding or making a good weapon is a must in a zombie apocalypse. While having a gun is a good idea, your best bet would be with traps or melee weapons that are quiet and easily used against the undead. Don’t want to attract anymore hungry mouths with a gunshot right?
Loner or Group? Having someone to watch your back would probably be a good idea during a zombie apocalypse, but in the end of the world, can you really trust anyone? If the answer is yes, you trust the people you are with, then great. Good for you! You have a pretty decent shot at staying alive with more people in your group to help you out.
But… What if you can’t trust these people? What if they betray you or choose to abandon you in your time of need? The pros and cons of going solo vs being in a group are individual and varying from person to person. You might have a Joel on your hands, someone who would do anything to keep you safe! Or, you might have a Judas just waiting to knife you in the back… You won’t know until its too late right?
The most important factor in surviving the zombie apocalypse is- YOU: Whatever happens during this outbreak, what you are and what you are willing to do is really what it comes down to in order to survive. Do you get queasy at the sight of blood? Can you shoot a gun or swing a baseball bat covered in barbed wire? Can you survive on spam and canned peas? Can you run really fast or build really strong shelters? Who are you inside? Are you scared of the dark?
Will you survive the zombie apocalypse? Who knows, that could never happen right? The cordyceps fungus could never mutate, and Rabies is just rabies. The most you have to worry about is your taxes. Surviving a zombie virus and all the dangers that comes with it is just something we read up about for fun… No need to be scared…
But, in the event you are one of those people who just want to be prepared for anything, or you are a zombie nut like me, you now have some tips to see you through to the other side of the apocalypse. In the mean time while you are waiting for your chance to bash some undead heads, why not come check out Blood Brothers Life Harvest and read up on more ways you can outlast the brain munchers? The film will be coming out next year, and I can’t wait to dive into more blood and guts for round two!
Blood Brothers Life Harvest Film Trailer:
Blood Brothers Life Harvest Book Link:
